Sigh...

So here I am again. Since the last time I posted, I managed to gain back all of the weight I lost last summer. I don't know what it is. I keep falling into these patterns. I keep telling myself, "Starting Monday, I'm getting serious. I'm going back to the gym 4 times a week and I'm going to start counting calories again...blah blah blah." then I never do. It took me unpacking my summer clothes and finding out that they didn't fit. I finally face the music and stepped on the scale. Ouch. I am right back where I was over a year ago and lost everything that I worked so hard for. I went through a period of self-loathing and I still think I am. I started going back to the gym a couple of weeks ago and I was becoming more aware of what I was eating. I'm down 5 lbs- which is great, but it just feels like a drop in the bucket. I'm very self-motivated, which is both a good and a bad thing. When I want it, nothing can stop me. When I don't want it, there is nothing that one can do to convince me. I feel like I'm kind of in between worlds at the moment. Both comfortable and uncomfortable in my own skin, motivated and doing the damn thing, but also depressed about a giant setback. When will I learn? Why can't I become a gym addict instead of a cookie-dough addict? If my followers are still reading this, I'm sorry for the somber post. I know what I have to do and I'm doing it. It's just hard.

Keep on trucking!

Okay, so I said that I would post some pictures. I'm a little self-concious about this because I'm picturing everyone who is reading this journal running for the hills after seeing them. I know that won't be the case, because I'm surrounded my supportive people. Maybe I'm the only one who will run for the hills. Oh well, at least I'll work up a sweat!

Without further ado:

Pictures of yours truly on the fat side:

 Where I was:

Where I am now:

At least I'm not back to square one! Look, I still have cheekbones!

Sunday 3/21 weigh in: 192.5
Friday 3/26 weigh in: 188.5 (-4 lbs)

Benchmark Goal: 180 by may 16th
Temporary Focus Goal: Alt b/w cardio, Toning arms, toning legs
This Week's Goal: DRINK MORE WATER

Last week's workouts:

• 
  
  Biggest loser 30 day jump start
• Biggest Loser last chance workout
• RUNNING/JOGGING

This week's workouts: TBA

Okay, well, that's about it for now. I'm a little on the sleepy side, so I can't end this plog in my usual clever, witty style. Good night, all!