Sigh...

So here I am again. Since the last time I posted, I managed to gain back all of the weight I lost last summer. I don't know what it is. I keep falling into these patterns. I keep telling myself, "Starting Monday, I'm getting serious. I'm going back to the gym 4 times a week and I'm going to start counting calories again...blah blah blah." then I never do. It took me unpacking my summer clothes and finding out that they didn't fit. I finally face the music and stepped on the scale. Ouch. I am right back where I was over a year ago and lost everything that I worked so hard for. I went through a period of self-loathing and I still think I am. I started going back to the gym a couple of weeks ago and I was becoming more aware of what I was eating. I'm down 5 lbs- which is great, but it just feels like a drop in the bucket. I'm very self-motivated, which is both a good and a bad thing. When I want it, nothing can stop me. When I don't want it, there is nothing that one can do to convince me. I feel like I'm kind of in between worlds at the moment. Both comfortable and uncomfortable in my own skin, motivated and doing the damn thing, but also depressed about a giant setback. When will I learn? Why can't I become a gym addict instead of a cookie-dough addict? If my followers are still reading this, I'm sorry for the somber post. I know what I have to do and I'm doing it. It's just hard.

Down 5 more lbs!

June was a pretty lax month for me. I celebrated my birthday and my mom and sister flew in from New Orleans to visit me. Admittedly, I gorged myself on the fine wine and cuisine that the Finger Lakes area offers, but with no regret. It was my birthday and I'd be damned if I wasn't going to enjoy it. All that being said, I still lost 5 lbs since I last posted. I'm quite pleased with myself the rate of my weight loss. Not too fast, but not too slow.

Hell, after years of being in a size 14, creeping up to a 16 and 4 subsequent years of being in a 12, I'm really starting to take notice of the continuing changes in my body. I decided to do an experiment. I walked into my local consignment shop and tried on a few size 10 pieces. Granted, all brands of clothing have different measurements and aim for different body shapes, but THEY ALL FIT! I was in such a swoon, that I almost walked right up to the register to buy everything that I tried on. I have to admit, though they all fit, most of the pieces that I tried on were dresses and skirts. The skirts weren't uncomfortably tight, but too tight to be comfortable, if that makes any sense whatsoever. I will label myself as a small size 12, but I see that official 10 quickly approaching. I haven't seen that number or the single digits that I hope will follow since high school.

I know that I can really make it happen if I focus more making calorie counting a religion and hitting the gym 5 times per week instead of 3-4, but all my clothes are falling off of me as is. I'm not really in the financial situation to go out and purchase a whole new wardrobe, so my focus is going to be more geared towards toning and strength building. I'm going to incorporate more protein in my diet to increase muscle building.

I always had and will always have big arms and legs, thanks to my not-so-dainty German heritage. I need to focus more on toning the aforementioned areas, or else I'll look like Chun Li from Street Fighter II.  My waist is shrinking like crazy, but I still have this blasted belly fat. This has been my biggest challenge. I see my abs trying to form, especially when I "suck in".  It's frustrating.

Alright, well, back to life. Today is a holiday and I plan to enjoy every minute of it.

Last weigh-in: 173 lbs
Recent activity: Hiking (3.5 hours yesterday alone!)
Short Term Goals: Toning things up. Remember to drink water! Maybe get below 170 by August 4th?